Post Op Blues

Thoughts

Noise, people talking - open my eyes. There's a nurse on the desk right in front of me. I've got an oxygen mask on my face - 35% venturi do I need all of this?
What time is it - look around the room to find a clock - 12:15... been in there for a while.
How much did they take? - look down my top to see a bunch of dressings but still got some of my breast.
Do I have a catheter? - I wanted to go toilet before surgery but don't feel like it now. Did they put one in and take it out? - Feel my underwear - feels untouched... weird.
Pain!
Pain! Panic because I'm in pain. Panic because I'm out of surgery and it's over. Hyperventilation 35rpm - cardiac monitor starts beeping and nurse comes to me.
Blood pressure 149/85 - I see a bit of panic on the nurses face and hear in his voice as he checks on me: Are you ok? Are you in pain? - I nod. "I'll get you some morphine" he says. I nod again. Tears were already rolling down my eyes and the nurse wiped them and told me to calm down the pain would go away soon. It wasn't just pain... was panic and fear and pain and stress..
Then I see a familiar face. A came to visit me. Tears roll down my eyes without me being able to hold them. Maybe it was happiness because I wasn't alone and then the panic and anxiety again...
Then the nurse topped up with a bit more morphine and felt weird up my arm... itching. Soon it went. Then the mask started to be uncomfortable on my face and I scratched.

Then I gained my voice again.

"Can I take this mask off? It's very unconfortable." - Little did I know that was the start...-  just the very beginning of a frenzy and continuous scratch on my nose - Oh my word! - For the next 3 hours I just couldn't stop scratching. After an X-ray to check if my portacath had been removed completely - apparently the line was cut but there was no record of how much - I was finally taken to the short stay surgical unit where my family and friends were already waiting for me - worrying for the length of time that took them to bring me over.

For the red itchy nose - Rudolph -  I had to ask for an anti histamine, and I was hungry... Sickness? None! Woo hoo! For that they decided I was worthy a menu to choose dinner that evening... erm... And then I was sick! - Did you realise I mention I wasn't sick? I really wasn't - The most weird feeling I've ever had in my life. One moment I was looking at a food menu and the other I was grabbing a bowl because some weird twist in my stomach brought up all the water I had drunk - Oh dear! Funny, but weird - So then I carried on reading the list! I was really hungry but now willing to wait for dinner. Better than that, all that hunger in me and the 20 hours I was without eating, I only managed a bowl of soup, leaving the mains and dessert - for later. 

All my concerns about the catheter - that they didn't put in...phew! - made me think that I'd probably needed the toilet, but for some reason there was no signs, until I pressed my bladder - Oh that feels very full! - I'm not going to lie, my first walk to the toilet was very dizzy and painful, glad mum was with me to help, at least I had someone to hold the stupid drain for me. 

It wasn't until I got to the room after the op that I've noticed the extreme numbness on my fingers and thumb on the affected side. It was very very numb and almost painful (?) not sure how to explain - Do you know that feeling your arm gets when it's trapped in a position for a very long time? It was like that but a tiny bit worse because the feeling doesn't go away and it hurts - Then it wasn't just the hand, underneath my arm almost had the same feeling but I couldn't feel it at all, but was very sensitive to touch - although I couldn't feel it... it's just complicated!

Getting myself comfortable in bed would have been a nightmare with pillow adjustments if it wasn't for my V shaped pillow. That, my friends, is a must have! I can't begin to explain how much it made a difference to me. I'm a side sleeper and I can't stand sleeping on my back, and that definitely made my nights - and days - bearable. 

After a night in hospital I was seen by the doctor and sent home with the drain - that I was not very happy with but rather out than in, the fluid I mean.

My fun week with drains and pains will come in another post... bear with me.

P.x