Tomorrow is the day.
The day I've been fearing for the last few weeks.
So many mixed feeling and so much I didn't talk about to most people. I've not been "ok" as the words have been coming out of my mouth. I've been anxious and afraid of the operation and not dealing very well with it. But most of you might not understand that's why I say that "I'm ok" when people ask. I don't want you to feel like you have to say something about it, or give your opinions, or say that you "know someone that has been through the same". Everyone feels different about surgery and treatments and the experience is not the same to everyone. For me it's more than just a breast. It's more than just a scar. It's the reminder that cancer has been in my life. There's no reconstructive surgery that will take that away from me. I don't want to do it but I have to if I want to have the chance to live a few more years. I don't really have a choice. "But at least you're alive" - they say - and the only problem is I'll have to live with it - because I'm alive.
I've had my guide wire put in today and they had to repeat the mammogram 4 times (to check the insertion) as the tumour was at the very back of the breast and very difficult to get a "picture" from. The insertion itself wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. The local anaesthetic did it's job and only got to feel a small ache after a good few hours. The guide wire is basically something they put in and splits open on the tip and grips to where the tumour is/was so the surgeons know where to go when they open up the breast. - I'll leave a rough image of what it is - and the rest of the wire stays hanging out of my breast and then it's twisted inside a dressing just to stay in place until tomorrow. - I just hope it doesn't give me any pain over night.
So ladies and gents, it's the first day of the month again so here we are one more time to encourage you to check your breasts. Please spread it around as an early detection can save lives!
The day I've been fearing for the last few weeks.
So many mixed feeling and so much I didn't talk about to most people. I've not been "ok" as the words have been coming out of my mouth. I've been anxious and afraid of the operation and not dealing very well with it. But most of you might not understand that's why I say that "I'm ok" when people ask. I don't want you to feel like you have to say something about it, or give your opinions, or say that you "know someone that has been through the same". Everyone feels different about surgery and treatments and the experience is not the same to everyone. For me it's more than just a breast. It's more than just a scar. It's the reminder that cancer has been in my life. There's no reconstructive surgery that will take that away from me. I don't want to do it but I have to if I want to have the chance to live a few more years. I don't really have a choice. "But at least you're alive" - they say - and the only problem is I'll have to live with it - because I'm alive.
I've had my guide wire put in today and they had to repeat the mammogram 4 times (to check the insertion) as the tumour was at the very back of the breast and very difficult to get a "picture" from. The insertion itself wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. The local anaesthetic did it's job and only got to feel a small ache after a good few hours. The guide wire is basically something they put in and splits open on the tip and grips to where the tumour is/was so the surgeons know where to go when they open up the breast. - I'll leave a rough image of what it is - and the rest of the wire stays hanging out of my breast and then it's twisted inside a dressing just to stay in place until tomorrow. - I just hope it doesn't give me any pain over night.
So ladies and gents, it's the first day of the month again so here we are one more time to encourage you to check your breasts. Please spread it around as an early detection can save lives!
Wish me luck, please!
P.x
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