Straight and Shiny

Today I'm trying to accept my hair.

I don't like it, but I'm trying to be grateful - Specially trying hard to ignore the greys.

I must confess there are days I get so annoyed with it that feel like pulling it from the roots and get back to being bald where strangely I feel I looked better - but then occurs to me that it would mean going through this length again to have it long - so then I get angry it's taking so long - to be long. Ha!

I have tried to think about the days it was falling and how I felt about it, but my brain seems to have blocked all of that. I don't remember it falling as vividly as I'd like - or shall I say I wouldn't like?
Back to September where eyebrows and eyelashes were almost nowhere to be seen I started doing this photographic record of my hair growth - because I knew the future me would be thankful for it.

Then I got discouraged and left it for about a month without recording just because I felt it was a complete waste of time - It's not really, but my brain is stubborn and states otherwise. So today I decided to have a bit of fun with it again even though it doesn't make me feel any more girly - at least it made me smile.

If only there was a hairstyle that wouldn't make me look like a boy. This is society's fault. Imprints in our minds that short hair and spiky hair is boy-like. We shouldn't think like it but I'm guilty as charged for thinking like that - having no one else to blame, society is always better to blame than me.
I'm stating to surrender to head bands and they actually look very pretty - thanks S for the advice.

Is it strange that I don't recognise myself in pictures with long hair or in pictures with no hair anymore? It's so weird and I feel weird. Looks like a completely different person - and perhaps it is, I will never be her again - but you never think of that about your pictures. It's in the past, for every minute that passes by, you change, you'll never be the same person you where in that moment that that image was "frozen" forever - Deep!

Throughout this 5 months of hair growth I've tried a few things, some of them worked for me and others didn't. I started with Watermans Grow Me shampoo, a hair mask from Lush called Roots, the Cinnamon Bar from Lush and a scalp oil that I don't remember the name.

I used to moisturise my scalp whilst going through chemo even though I've always had a oily scalp and it was very rare to have dry skin/scalp or dandruff. As you can probably guess by now this is exactly what happened; Since the hair has come back, there is this flaky scalp I can't get rid off. I know if I oil it more, the hair just gets greasier and flakes more - I've had this through my teenage years, trust me it's very annoying - but if I apply the Cinnamon Bar it dries too much and flakes out. So after a few uses, the cinnamon bar was back on "the bench". The hair mask was great and still is when I want to have that minty fresh feeling on my scalp - it's better in the summer - I still use it every so often and doesn't seem to have any implications on my flakiness. About the shampoo, I'm about to finish the bottle and although people swear by it, I don't think it made any difference on my hair growth. My hair has always been a slow grower and I don't believe a shampoo is ever going to change that. I had a break from it for 10 days when I went to Portugal on holiday and I don't think it made any difference in the flakiness (I've used a normal shampoo while over there). So now I've decided to try less chemicals and try an organic shampoo that I found in my supermarket - as I don't believe in spending lots on money on things like that - hoping it works and clears up the scalp once and for all.


Another strange thing that happened after all this time my eyelashes and eyebrows are still falling - less than during chemo - but they are quickly replaced by new ones. (In the picture my eyebrows are filled but the gaps in the eyelashes are easily seen) It might be related to stress and anxiety that I'm going through at the moment or chemo/radiation... I'll ask my oncologist in two weeks when I go for what I hope to be the last appointment ever!



If anyone has any great hair styles for very short hair give me a shout as I'm very open to suggestions.

"Love is in the Hair"

P.x