Run Unicorn Run

What an amazing experience.

For a change I had a good couple of days.

Well... as good as they can get

Not sure where even to begin. Wednesday was a very especial and sad and disappointing day - It's all to do with expectations.
I'm going to blame "chemo brain" for the fact that when they rang me to book an appointment with the oncologist she said "20 past 4" and I wrote on my calendar "20 past 14" - huge fail! Was it? - Everything happens for a reason. And this time we were meant to be at the hospital at 14.30 to meet S. 

For some reason we were meant to get into each others lives and we hope it is to help each other going through all of this. She's around our age and she's going through the same journey as me. It was both very nice and very sad to meet someone "like me". I don't want anyone to go through this... specially when we are so young but I think it was meant to be... and this has to have a reason! One day we will find out. S if you ever read this, you made my day feel a bit more special, and for that, thank you. The Oncologist appointment that followed filled us with disappointment. The ones who expected coming out of that room with answers, came out with even more questions. As far as ultrasounds go, they're not reliable, so MRI it is - remember that horrible machine that I had to face down and my arm went numb? Yup... have to do it again! Gee thanks! So now we'll have to wait for those results to have the confirmation that the breast is clean and, if it is then we go down to 6 rounds of EC, if there's a tiny bit left, we'll carry on with the 4+4 as initially planned. 

Not sure which one to look forward to. As EC gives me the horrible sickness and the other one they might change me too, doesn't - my first world problems.

Friday being pre chemo bloods day I was back to the hospital again. People all around were so nice, cheerful and lovely and that definitely put me in a good mood - note that my headscarf had a few compliments too!!(If not the star of the day!) 

Been making myself really busy on the last few days trying not to think about chemo. Is making me slightly - a lot - anxious. Don't want to feel sick again or have the funny turns I had last time. But keep telling myself is doing me good! - It's working! It's helping!

Along with my busy days I've been going to the gym for long walks on the treadmill and surely that is making me feel a bit better!? Exercising is definitely one of the best medicines. And why have I started this you ask?
Yesterday we finished a 5km walk/run and I'm extremely proud of everyone that did it with us. It felt so good. Felt like we can overcome any challenge that is given to us. Not sure if it was because I was surrounded by friends but it definitely felt easier than it looked!

Such a great experience that I definitely want to repeat. A great feeling of accomplishment. 

It might seem a small thing for a lot of people but for me felt like I gained control of myself even just for an hour and that felt amazing!!!
If you really want something then do it! (Even if it feels impossible, the feeling of accomplishment overcomes the fear.)

We would like to thank to everyone that sponsored us and ran/walked along side and the ones that cheered from home. We had lots of fun and a great time!

Today spent the entire day food prepping for the next week - as mum is not going to be around this time - and being extremely anxious about tomorrow. Had a bit of a panic cry and felt sick too, not sure if it's because I'm anxious or something I've eaten but I'm sure is my brain's fault!

Another round tomorrow - and MRI - really don't want to go... but I have to.

"Remember, however bad things might be right now, this moment will pass and your life will continue to be a good one."

P.x