Damn! It's been a hell of a ride!
Monday: Chemo day. I went extremely positive to the chemo session. What was not to be positive about? It's one more chemo down. One closer to the end! Then after 3pm it's all a blur. Between feeling sick and tired and crying and panic about feeling sick, ringing the chemo line, ringing the GP for some prescription and waiting 3 hours to ring back and say that he can't help because he doesn't have the medication I need - I do understand now why people then go to A&E. So 3.30am and after a trip to the hospital for fluids and anti-sickness, I was back home in bed.
Monday: Chemo day. I went extremely positive to the chemo session. What was not to be positive about? It's one more chemo down. One closer to the end! Then after 3pm it's all a blur. Between feeling sick and tired and crying and panic about feeling sick, ringing the chemo line, ringing the GP for some prescription and waiting 3 hours to ring back and say that he can't help because he doesn't have the medication I need - I do understand now why people then go to A&E. So 3.30am and after a trip to the hospital for fluids and anti-sickness, I was back home in bed.
The rest of the week was a living hell. Even though I had extra anti-sickness, I was not able to tolerate fluids. Fluids made me feel even more sick. - But I needed to drink them! - Spent the week battling M and mum that were constantly trying to shove fluids down my throat. - Noooo. I hate this! I know that I have to drink, but I can't. The thought of it makes me sick. - Then jellies came to my life. And ice lollies! They made such a difference. - Learning curve for next chemo: Have jellies and ice lollies at ready!
It's Sunday now and I'm still feeling sick, not as bad, I can drink now but not big amounts. It settles more when I lay down - which is basically what I've been doing all weekend anyway, as the GCSF injections started and I've got aches and pains and tiredness (like I've run a marathon). Only gone out for a couple of hours on Saturday just to enjoy the sun and a bit of fresh air and that gave me a 10hr night sleep. - Best lay in that we had in months though!
To be honest, it is with a bit of an effort I'm writing this time. I don't feel like talking, or writing or doing anything. But I'm forcing myself. I want to document my journey, and I want it to be fresh in my mind (although not a lot of details this time as I spent most of my week struggling with food and drink - Yes, that was all the excitement I had all week.) Pyjamas are my best friend - at least they don't tell me to drink - and pillow is my best confident (and professional tear holder).
It's not been easy, I wish I could say it is. It's a really tough journey, not just physical but mental as well. The amount of times I feel like crying and sending everything to hell is unreal. But then I think I've got so much to look forward to in a years time and this is not the end of the road...
All I keep asking to *whatever/whoever* is out there is to only be 6 sessions instead of 8. I just want it to be over...
Oh almost forgot! There was a bit more excitement this week: We had a call from the hospital saying that the neck biopsy came back negative!!! Whoop whoop! Don't have to do that one again.
I'm now M's little hedgehog - Head is very spiky and sometimes it hurts on the pillow, but in the middle of it all it's the least of my worries, and we laugh about it sometimes.
Now, because I still have a nurse in me and I won't ever stop preaching this:
Please do check yourselves, be careful when you expose yourself to the sun, re-think your life choices (smoking and drinking and drugs) - This is so so hard... if you can avoid it, please do!
"Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change."
P.x
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