Yesterday was so so hot!
I don't feel like I'm in England anymore. Looks like one of those tropical countries!
I don't even try going outside in this heat. I do feel a bit sad because I love my tan but I know that would just make me feel worse. So I'm now enjoying my balcony from 19:30 onward as it's the best time of the day, nice and cool and I can see the sunset! - Bliss
Funny episode (essay alert!) that happened last week was to do with a certain charity for young people with cancer.
M signed myself up a bit more than a month ago as we thought that we both needed counselling. The lady that identified herself as counsellor gave me a couple of dates to go to coffee meetings with other people with similar situation as mine. I wasn't able to show up to those meetings as one coincided with one of the days I was poorly and the other one had the electricity guy installing my smart meter. All of this to say that in the mean time, M signed himself up for counselling and they said someone would contact him soon. Two weeks later (probably a month later since the lady contacted me), M was not very impressed and sent them as email with his disappointment - Although they are a charity, they shouldn't commit to people if they are not going to help, so then people can find someone else instead of waiting - As answer to his email they said they had sent two emails - And they didn't (no, not even in the spam box) - then they almost begged to help.
This counsellor lady, called M but as he was at work and couldn't talk, she rang me. - I thought to myself: Oh lucky me, I've been needing to talk to someone in the last few days, perhaps she can help - Sure! - She started the conversation with the coffee meeting again and how I'd benefit from them - But oh, the next one is on my chemo week so I can't go again - and what she doesn't understand is that I don't feel confident just to show up somewhere where I don't know anyone and I wasn't even invited to take a friend. Anyway, then I went on about how sad and down I'd been feeling with everything going on and how the chemo week affected us, and, amongst all the crap cheer up talk she said: I should feel happy about the sun and should enjoy the sun and the good weather... - Ermm, lady, I can't catch any sun...I burn. How is that thinking happy if I can't do what I used to love? - I very politely answered with a "oh yeah...perhaps it will, although I can't really expose myself to the sun" - What's with this people to keep saying for me to enjoy the sun when I'm trying to hide from it.. - So then I kept telling her how depressed and feeling like crying etc, and she said: "Oh have you seen what happened to those people in London tower? That was awful, if you think that's so many things going on in the world"... And that's when I stopped listening - Is this person actually undermining my problems? I'm not a counsellor and I know, that we all suffer differently and cope differently with the same situation... and certainly stating that other peoples problems are worse than mine, doesn't particularly help with my one. By the end of it, she didn't offer any counselling session face to face. So I assume that was it, that was her professional input. Honestly, I do understand that is a charity, and they can't do face to faces as they might not have a private office, but that was the worst counselling session ever. Charity or not!
I'm a nurse, and if I was doing charity I wouldn't say to the person, "go home and bandage your wound yourself".
Oh well, on another note, there's news!
Last week on Wednesday was the 8 week mark for the genetics result. We've waited until the end of the week to see if anyone would ring, and no one did, so I've decided to ring them today. The receptionist said not all the results were back and the doctor was just discussing some of them with the laboratory. - Heart race! What does that mean? - So I patiently waited for the doctor to ring me back.
The tone of her voice and the preparation to initiate the conversation were quite frightening. "Your results are back, and they are all NEGATIVE for BRCA1 and BRCA2 mutation. But... - Shit, there's a but - I had to go clarify this with the lab today and you've got a variant in your genes, there's no evidence that variants cause cancer but that's what makes you be you." - So basically, I shouldn't worry about this variant, my family doesn't carry the genes, I won't pass the genes to my embryos, I won't have to have both breasts removed, my chemo will probably be reduced and still, I'm not jumping with happiness.
What's wrong with me? I should be jumping and celebrating. Instead, I'm blaming myself. What if it was something that I've done in my life that has caused cancer?
P.x
I don't feel like I'm in England anymore. Looks like one of those tropical countries!
I don't even try going outside in this heat. I do feel a bit sad because I love my tan but I know that would just make me feel worse. So I'm now enjoying my balcony from 19:30 onward as it's the best time of the day, nice and cool and I can see the sunset! - Bliss
Funny episode (essay alert!) that happened last week was to do with a certain charity for young people with cancer.
M signed myself up a bit more than a month ago as we thought that we both needed counselling. The lady that identified herself as counsellor gave me a couple of dates to go to coffee meetings with other people with similar situation as mine. I wasn't able to show up to those meetings as one coincided with one of the days I was poorly and the other one had the electricity guy installing my smart meter. All of this to say that in the mean time, M signed himself up for counselling and they said someone would contact him soon. Two weeks later (probably a month later since the lady contacted me), M was not very impressed and sent them as email with his disappointment - Although they are a charity, they shouldn't commit to people if they are not going to help, so then people can find someone else instead of waiting - As answer to his email they said they had sent two emails - And they didn't (no, not even in the spam box) - then they almost begged to help.
This counsellor lady, called M but as he was at work and couldn't talk, she rang me. - I thought to myself: Oh lucky me, I've been needing to talk to someone in the last few days, perhaps she can help - Sure! - She started the conversation with the coffee meeting again and how I'd benefit from them - But oh, the next one is on my chemo week so I can't go again - and what she doesn't understand is that I don't feel confident just to show up somewhere where I don't know anyone and I wasn't even invited to take a friend. Anyway, then I went on about how sad and down I'd been feeling with everything going on and how the chemo week affected us, and, amongst all the crap cheer up talk she said: I should feel happy about the sun and should enjoy the sun and the good weather... - Ermm, lady, I can't catch any sun...I burn. How is that thinking happy if I can't do what I used to love? - I very politely answered with a "oh yeah...perhaps it will, although I can't really expose myself to the sun" - What's with this people to keep saying for me to enjoy the sun when I'm trying to hide from it.. - So then I kept telling her how depressed and feeling like crying etc, and she said: "Oh have you seen what happened to those people in London tower? That was awful, if you think that's so many things going on in the world"... And that's when I stopped listening - Is this person actually undermining my problems? I'm not a counsellor and I know, that we all suffer differently and cope differently with the same situation... and certainly stating that other peoples problems are worse than mine, doesn't particularly help with my one. By the end of it, she didn't offer any counselling session face to face. So I assume that was it, that was her professional input. Honestly, I do understand that is a charity, and they can't do face to faces as they might not have a private office, but that was the worst counselling session ever. Charity or not!
I'm a nurse, and if I was doing charity I wouldn't say to the person, "go home and bandage your wound yourself".
Oh well, on another note, there's news!
Last week on Wednesday was the 8 week mark for the genetics result. We've waited until the end of the week to see if anyone would ring, and no one did, so I've decided to ring them today. The receptionist said not all the results were back and the doctor was just discussing some of them with the laboratory. - Heart race! What does that mean? - So I patiently waited for the doctor to ring me back.
The tone of her voice and the preparation to initiate the conversation were quite frightening. "Your results are back, and they are all NEGATIVE for BRCA1 and BRCA2 mutation. But... - Shit, there's a but - I had to go clarify this with the lab today and you've got a variant in your genes, there's no evidence that variants cause cancer but that's what makes you be you." - So basically, I shouldn't worry about this variant, my family doesn't carry the genes, I won't pass the genes to my embryos, I won't have to have both breasts removed, my chemo will probably be reduced and still, I'm not jumping with happiness.
What's wrong with me? I should be jumping and celebrating. Instead, I'm blaming myself. What if it was something that I've done in my life that has caused cancer?
"Life cannot be written; Life can only be lived."
P.x
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