One week post new chemo.
So far so good. (ish) - Fingers crossed, people, fingers crossed!
Back to chemo day, I felt anxious, but not as anxious as last time. Not sure if the NLP (as explained on the last blog) helped or if I was just less anxious because I knew it would be different - I'm gonna go with both - We knew it would be a long one too so we took food and lots to "play with" - Yes, first time I managed to eat while having chemo and not feel sick (I did make an effort as I've decided that chemo wasn't taking the best of me) - Unfortunately or fortunately I slept through the whole thing - I did wake up to go toilet and eat I confess! - But the pre-chemo drugs knocked me out completely, I could barely keep my eyes open. I felt sorry for M as he was "on his own" for a good part of it - He must love me! 💗- Four hours went by and I didn't feel sick! - Can you tell how big of a deal this is for me?
Day 2 post chemo started to feel the side effects. Woke up with numbness on my ring and little finger on my right hand - this can't be just it...last time started small and built up to a lot of symptoms.
Day 3 Oh THE numbness! That's what people were talking about. Mr Numb has taken over my hands, and feet, and I think perhaps some part of my legs... not quite sure, as now I don't feel much anyway... Do you know that weird feeling when you're holding hair clippers for a long time that your hand goes numb because of the vibration of it? That's exactly how my hands and feet feel all the time. Now, add a bit of fluid retention, mix it all in, and what do you get? Numb puffy feet! And now you ask: How are you supposed to walk? The answer is: With a smile on my face and a bunch of sarcastic smart answers. (Hunching, slowly, saying ouch for every other step - but smiling!)
Day 5 Think about all the things that I'm already feeling... - or not feeling, I haven't quite figured this out yet! - and add the injections that I cherish so much. Welcome ankle pain! Just because I knew you just wanted to make my life easier. Do you know what? I still don't care, because I'm not feeling sick - and getting high on codeine is a bit fun.
Now talking seriously, give me all the pain instead of sickness and I'll be happy. I'm not moaning - much - about the pain, just sharing the experience. It's not easy, but it's easier. At least from my point of view. Typing is rather strange as the feeling under my fingers is something new to me. I'm sure that I'm losing the sense of smell a little too. Sleeping has been my nightmare. The night of day two I had to sleep on the living room sofa to get my own space and ended up sleeping on my front for 2 hours, in the most weird position, but having the front of my legs against something was the only way to rest them. The next day made myself go for a 50min walk (pain or no pain) to get myself tired and perhaps relax the muscles enough, and it did work! Slept a whole 5.30 hours. The pain on my feet the next day was the worst... but totally worth it for a nights sleep!
And because I was in so much pain the next day, I've decided to up the game on the painkillers - as I was barely taking any...I do avoid them like the plague - Paracetamol was taken before bed together with the codeine - hoping for a good night sleep - 5 hours in, I woke up in my own personal paddling pool. Never thought one lady could sweat so much. Through to the mattress, through the covers - couldn't even flip them - Panic mode on! Not sure if it was a stupidly hot flush or if I spiked temperature. Had no energy the whole day, but could be dehydration, however temperature maintained itself stable, so I'm still trying to find out what happened.
Wow, now that I put this in words, this has been quite an eventful week!
Today, I went back to the hospital again, this time for something fun and exciting. However my stomach didn't feel the same for a few moments. On the way there, M was driving - which makes my brain available to wonder and overthink - I had this feeling of sickness that went away as I got there. Anxiety, my old friend, you're such a powerful mind gamer.
Look Good, Feel Better - So I did! Pampering session for the baldies! I now know how to apply eyeshadow and blush - I'm a little proud of myself - and have a bag full of goodies worth approximately £200. Not bad at all for a Monday!
P.x
So far so good. (ish) - Fingers crossed, people, fingers crossed!
Back to chemo day, I felt anxious, but not as anxious as last time. Not sure if the NLP (as explained on the last blog) helped or if I was just less anxious because I knew it would be different - I'm gonna go with both - We knew it would be a long one too so we took food and lots to "play with" - Yes, first time I managed to eat while having chemo and not feel sick (I did make an effort as I've decided that chemo wasn't taking the best of me) - Unfortunately or fortunately I slept through the whole thing - I did wake up to go toilet and eat I confess! - But the pre-chemo drugs knocked me out completely, I could barely keep my eyes open. I felt sorry for M as he was "on his own" for a good part of it - He must love me! 💗- Four hours went by and I didn't feel sick! - Can you tell how big of a deal this is for me?Day 2 post chemo started to feel the side effects. Woke up with numbness on my ring and little finger on my right hand - this can't be just it...last time started small and built up to a lot of symptoms.
Day 3 Oh THE numbness! That's what people were talking about. Mr Numb has taken over my hands, and feet, and I think perhaps some part of my legs... not quite sure, as now I don't feel much anyway... Do you know that weird feeling when you're holding hair clippers for a long time that your hand goes numb because of the vibration of it? That's exactly how my hands and feet feel all the time. Now, add a bit of fluid retention, mix it all in, and what do you get? Numb puffy feet! And now you ask: How are you supposed to walk? The answer is: With a smile on my face and a bunch of sarcastic smart answers. (Hunching, slowly, saying ouch for every other step - but smiling!)
Day 5 Think about all the things that I'm already feeling... - or not feeling, I haven't quite figured this out yet! - and add the injections that I cherish so much. Welcome ankle pain! Just because I knew you just wanted to make my life easier. Do you know what? I still don't care, because I'm not feeling sick - and getting high on codeine is a bit fun.
Now talking seriously, give me all the pain instead of sickness and I'll be happy. I'm not moaning - much - about the pain, just sharing the experience. It's not easy, but it's easier. At least from my point of view. Typing is rather strange as the feeling under my fingers is something new to me. I'm sure that I'm losing the sense of smell a little too. Sleeping has been my nightmare. The night of day two I had to sleep on the living room sofa to get my own space and ended up sleeping on my front for 2 hours, in the most weird position, but having the front of my legs against something was the only way to rest them. The next day made myself go for a 50min walk (pain or no pain) to get myself tired and perhaps relax the muscles enough, and it did work! Slept a whole 5.30 hours. The pain on my feet the next day was the worst... but totally worth it for a nights sleep!
And because I was in so much pain the next day, I've decided to up the game on the painkillers - as I was barely taking any...I do avoid them like the plague - Paracetamol was taken before bed together with the codeine - hoping for a good night sleep - 5 hours in, I woke up in my own personal paddling pool. Never thought one lady could sweat so much. Through to the mattress, through the covers - couldn't even flip them - Panic mode on! Not sure if it was a stupidly hot flush or if I spiked temperature. Had no energy the whole day, but could be dehydration, however temperature maintained itself stable, so I'm still trying to find out what happened.
Wow, now that I put this in words, this has been quite an eventful week!
Today, I went back to the hospital again, this time for something fun and exciting. However my stomach didn't feel the same for a few moments. On the way there, M was driving - which makes my brain available to wonder and overthink - I had this feeling of sickness that went away as I got there. Anxiety, my old friend, you're such a powerful mind gamer.
Look Good, Feel Better - So I did! Pampering session for the baldies! I now know how to apply eyeshadow and blush - I'm a little proud of myself - and have a bag full of goodies worth approximately £200. Not bad at all for a Monday!
"There is no passion to be found in playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."
P.x
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