Weekend of Deep Thoughts

There's been moments that I just want to escape this world and reality.

This weekend was one of those moments.

Cancer has taken over our lives, and we don't want that. We need to be in control. we need to be able to do things without being afraid of cancer. We need to stop our brains to remind us of this horrible fate that came upon us. We're not able to remember life before cancer, we don't know how it feels anymore. Everything changed. The way we see the world and the way the world sees us. I don't want people feeling sorry for me, I want people to still tell me their happy thoughts and their happy moments, share with me their daily struggles and moans without thinking that "oh you're going through worse". No! We all have battles, we all have our good and bad moments that we like to share with other people. Don't think for a second that I won't be happy for you or for your achievements. 

If something, cancer made me see that there's more to life than holding grudges and feeling jealous of people. I've learnt that every single one of us have their own struggles and battles to fight and it doesn't matter what they are, because at that point in time they are important. Don't judge people if they are going through a bad moment, they might be fighting a battle you know nothing about, because not everyone shares their life on social media. 

Be kind to one another and love each other.

- Deep thoughts over - 

Friday was my first day out in two weeks. I felt anxious. I hadn't seen people - apart from family - since I had my hair cut and had my chemo - ridiculously that made me feel vulnerable and afraid of the world. It's unbelievable what a couple of weeks without being a sociable person can do to you. After I was out with the girls definitely felt more confident and end up having a really good time with the old gang!

As per the rest of the weekend, back in February - far away from thinking this would have come so handy - we booked a weekend away by the beach, just because we thought it would be a good idea. And sure it was. A month ago we didn't even know if we would be able to make it, the way people "painted" cancer was so much more horrendous than what it actually has been. And we are extremely thankful for it. We never thought this weekend would come in such a good time and it was so needed. All we've been doing for the last 2 months is cancer related, there's not one single day we don't speak about it, with friends, relatives or complete strangers.

So this weekend we ran away from all of that and decided to be normal and feel normal. It was just the perfect weekend for it! So lucky with the weather. M and I went with a couple of friends and we all had our first BBQ on the beach, lots of walking, ice creams, a day on the beach and the first swim of the year (not for me, L was the brave one!) But the most important thing, we laughed!

The only thing I always had to be aware of was the sun. 50spf every day before leaving the house and looking for shade whenever possible. The big hat I bought is very handy but not when it's windy. 

A lot of water to make up for the heat and a good rest after the long walks and I managed to have a normal weekend away. 

Now, ahead we've got a pre-chemo week - I know... it's gone so fast!

No more horrible side effects so far. So I'm pretty happy with the good week that I promised myself!

Every day we make it without side effects is a win! We have now learnt how to appreciate those days - although we still feel like it's a bit of a miracle.

"Sale away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."