Life is not perfect but you can obtain perfect little moments out of it.
Let's start with the beginning of the week, when my radiotherapy started - It will be easy they said. The easiest part of the treatment they said - But it wouldn't be my treatment if it didn't have a hiccup on the easiest part. Three weeks ago, when I had my radiotherapy tattoos done, my body was still very tense and uncomfortable laying on the CT table with my arms up. Now with almost full rage of movement, the way my arms go behind my head is different and consequently more relaxed body. Apparently having a relaxed body in this situation is not good as the measurements then didn't match. The 20 minutes I was promised turned into 1 hour. My good arm went numb twice and they had to pause for recovery. The big boss had to come along eventually to authorise the treatment - one more pair of eyes on my boobs. Nice! lol - All of this made me panic just for a moment and almost cried but everyone was focused on my boob and no one noticed - Phew!
The rest of the week went quite smoothly, barely waited, almost in & out, only time for a quick pic in the changing room.
So far this week of radiotherapy has been localised, focused on the place where the tumour was. My skin is starting to change. Colour and texture on the inside. I could go a bit further and say my boob is even more misshaped - but only very slightly, only noticeable to my eyes - For the last 3 days - I didn't know it before - I've been applying an ice pack before and after to cool down the skin and prevent the burning. Have been applying cream three times a day, but only milky lotions for radiated skin. So far so good though.
Radiotherapy doesn't hurt and I don't feel it. Although there was a day that I could swear my boob was tingling inside whilst the radiation was on - although might have just been my brain making it up.
Now I get to rest and enjoy 4 days with no radiotherapy and Christmas with some of the family.
Apart from radiotherapy everyday something else happened: My birthday! I'm 31 now and I can probably tell that in one year I've aged about 5 years. Wiser and older I'll carry on smiling through the path that life gave me as there's no other way of facing it.
M, though, thought the "wise and old" needed some more reasons to celebrate.
After what was for both of us a year of hell, with so many emotions involved, he stood beside me without blinking or stumbling, carrying a "burden" that I could never imagine. So on the 20th December, M got down on one knee and made me the happiest girl alive.
My hero, my rock, my best friend, the love of my life.
The day he made my life perfect. That perfect little moment forever engraved in my heart. No matter how much crap life throws at us, he wants to stay by my side through thick and thin, to love and to hold. And so do I. So I said YES!
I'm beyond excited. For a perfect moment I forgot I had cancer and everything felt so good and normal.
There is no better way to finish off what it seemed to be the worst year of our lives, but also the most enlightening. We are now engaged, and although he will always be my partner, I've officially upgraded M to Fiancé. May the force be with us! (Just for all the Star Wars fans out there that went to see the episode VIII)
I might have put this quote here before but still very true...
P.x
Let's start with the beginning of the week, when my radiotherapy started - It will be easy they said. The easiest part of the treatment they said - But it wouldn't be my treatment if it didn't have a hiccup on the easiest part. Three weeks ago, when I had my radiotherapy tattoos done, my body was still very tense and uncomfortable laying on the CT table with my arms up. Now with almost full rage of movement, the way my arms go behind my head is different and consequently more relaxed body. Apparently having a relaxed body in this situation is not good as the measurements then didn't match. The 20 minutes I was promised turned into 1 hour. My good arm went numb twice and they had to pause for recovery. The big boss had to come along eventually to authorise the treatment - one more pair of eyes on my boobs. Nice! lol - All of this made me panic just for a moment and almost cried but everyone was focused on my boob and no one noticed - Phew!
The rest of the week went quite smoothly, barely waited, almost in & out, only time for a quick pic in the changing room.
So far this week of radiotherapy has been localised, focused on the place where the tumour was. My skin is starting to change. Colour and texture on the inside. I could go a bit further and say my boob is even more misshaped - but only very slightly, only noticeable to my eyes - For the last 3 days - I didn't know it before - I've been applying an ice pack before and after to cool down the skin and prevent the burning. Have been applying cream three times a day, but only milky lotions for radiated skin. So far so good though.
Radiotherapy doesn't hurt and I don't feel it. Although there was a day that I could swear my boob was tingling inside whilst the radiation was on - although might have just been my brain making it up.
Now I get to rest and enjoy 4 days with no radiotherapy and Christmas with some of the family.
Apart from radiotherapy everyday something else happened: My birthday! I'm 31 now and I can probably tell that in one year I've aged about 5 years. Wiser and older I'll carry on smiling through the path that life gave me as there's no other way of facing it.
M, though, thought the "wise and old" needed some more reasons to celebrate.
After what was for both of us a year of hell, with so many emotions involved, he stood beside me without blinking or stumbling, carrying a "burden" that I could never imagine. So on the 20th December, M got down on one knee and made me the happiest girl alive.
My hero, my rock, my best friend, the love of my life.
The day he made my life perfect. That perfect little moment forever engraved in my heart. No matter how much crap life throws at us, he wants to stay by my side through thick and thin, to love and to hold. And so do I. So I said YES!
I'm beyond excited. For a perfect moment I forgot I had cancer and everything felt so good and normal.
There is no better way to finish off what it seemed to be the worst year of our lives, but also the most enlightening. We are now engaged, and although he will always be my partner, I've officially upgraded M to Fiancé. May the force be with us! (Just for all the Star Wars fans out there that went to see the episode VIII)
I might have put this quote here before but still very true...
"Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations"
P.x
No comments:
Post a Comment