Yesterday I had my last chemo!
The last! Finally!
After been delayed twice due to my horrible cold and mess up with appointments, I've finally done it. It has been an extremely anxious two days before chemo and I didn't want to talk much about it as I was dreading all the feelings, the happiness/sadness and mental numbness. - Yes I felt all of that.
Although it should be a happy moment, it's an ok moment for me and this is still half way.
On the other hand, this horrible fase of my life is finally over. There's still a lot to come, a lot of worrying in my head, but chemo that made me feel miserable, is out of the way. Inside I'm thrilled, but outside I'm only relieved a little bit. M is the same, we know the worse part is behind us but the fight is not over yet.
To all the fighters out there, hang in there, it might seem the end of the world, but you can do it, we all can! There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And in the end it will be worth it. Thank you so much to all of you that made me believe all of the above and always believed in my success through the worst time of my life.
To the ones that will never understand, please be kind, be kind to one another, you never know what battles people are fighting.- If I wear a wig and makeup and I'm not able to climb a flight of stairs or walk up a hill I get looked at, because I look young and look "normal" and you're older than me, you have no idea of what I'm struggling with. - Be kind, always. Aim to do something nice for someone every day. Be thankful for what you have.
I am thankful every day for the people I have in my life and the right people I managed to keep close. They're definitely the ones that matter. I'm thankful for being alive one more day and be able to get out of bed and smile, see M smile. Thankful for having two loving families and two countries I can call home. Thankful for being able to do so many things by myself and I fight for it every day.
Chemo, you might have destroyed my body buy haven't destroyed my will power.
I'm not gonna lie that I had an awful load of bad days that getting out of bed and get dressed was a mental struggle, but there was more days that the struggle was overcome by the mind. I must confess that for a lot of meet ups with friends I didn't feel like going or felt confident enough to fit in some baggy clothes - weight gain is a big issue (see what I did there? lol) - but I did it, just because I knew I had to do it, because if I didn't that wouldn't be me.
Cancer, you might have changed my body, you might have changed my life perspective, but you haven't changed me.
Chemo, you might have destroyed my body buy haven't destroyed my will power.
I'm not gonna lie that I had an awful load of bad days that getting out of bed and get dressed was a mental struggle, but there was more days that the struggle was overcome by the mind. I must confess that for a lot of meet ups with friends I didn't feel like going or felt confident enough to fit in some baggy clothes - weight gain is a big issue (see what I did there? lol) - but I did it, just because I knew I had to do it, because if I didn't that wouldn't be me.
Cancer, you might have changed my body, you might have changed my life perspective, but you haven't changed me.
To all of you that are fighting a battle, my thoughts are with you. Most of all, be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to cry, or shout, or not get out of bed if you have to. But then get up and fight, you're are always stronger than you think, and if you've come this far is because you can make it. In my opinion, things always happen for a reason and at the right time, just as a learning curve in life. Whatever it is and as much as it hurts, it will pass.
Lots of love too all of you!
"My scars tell a story, they are reminders that life tried to break me, but failed."
P.x
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