Week from Hell, Day -3

3 days to go!

Today we're holding on...just.

I've kept my mind occupied. L & C took me for a walk C's cuddles are the best. I could definitely have that as a treatment. Well, if I need one anyway.

It's so hard not to think that might be our reality. M has had a bad day, he's thinking too far ahead, and so am I. But for some reason, I'm coloring it pink... or coral and green just as my freshly made manicure and pedicure show. 

I think about the imaginary treatment in my head, and that I want to pick the nurse that does my treatment - if I can - and the hair that might fall off and I'll have to very painfully shave it all before I go through the falling stage that surely must be way more painful. 

I worry about silly things like my nails. Will they make it?! so I can carry on doing beautiful manicures and pretend everything is ok? Will I be able to sun tan? M is worried that my mum will have to stay here for a long time and what the landlord can say. I worry that she won't be able to keep sleeping on a sofa for that long... neither can we. We will have to agree that she stays as long as I can't handle cooking or cleaning. 

But well... in the end none of this is real, all of this is just part of our very emotional and broken imagination. We will fight this, whatever it is, stupid lump. How long have you been there for? Wish you would go.

Ps: Today my family videocall me, completely hyper for my cousin's Bday party. All the happiness they were trying to send me through that screen was lost in translation. I felt the exact opposite I was supposed to feel. I love all of them very much, but at the moment, I can only deal with one at the time. 

Today's quote:

"The interactive forces in nature generate artistic forms (water moves in swirls, as waves crash and tumble down the banks of a river)"

P.x