MRI in the morning. Not as bad as I thought it would be, I was put in a gown, nurse placed cod liver oil tablets on my nipples (apparently is to mark the nipple otherwise they might think it's something else) and faced down the entire time. Like in a massage table but a little less comfortable.
Just a little. (Not).
I was listening to music the entire time and they communicated with me the the length of each scan and I've noticed the noise change. I was quite amazed with the power of the MRI machine, but not quite impressed with the numbness in my arm. Felt like if I needed to press the bell for help my arm wouldn't respond to my commands.
The appointment with the consultant didn't come quick enough, but then the wait in that waiting area was a bit painful. I wasn't sure if I wanted it to be done quick or if I just didn't want to face it.
It's Cancer.
The most frightening diagnose has finally come out. I read it on the piece of paper that was upside down in front of me. I saw it. The word carcinoma popped in front of my eyes for that split second before she said it. bu I needed to hear it. Then I broke down. M stayed strong next to me, held my hand and the whole room turned into silence while the sound of my tears echoed around.
Doctor made a plan and I'm so glad she wrote it down, the rest of that conversation is a complete blur.
Sent again to the ultrasound room for a re-biopsy of the axilla that came inconclusive last time.
Oh the joys of being poked again where I've already got a bruise! - Not
The Lilac room again, was the place for grieve. I'm really starting to have a love-hate relationship with that room.
I'm so grateful of all the family and friends support that we've got and all the people that had their thoughts and presence with us that day. It was very important to feel the support coming out of all directions.
M held himself up so well, but I know his little heart is so broken. same as mine. All he keeps saying to me is "I wish it was me. I wish we could swap places" - Don't be silly
I know, and I truly believe that things like this only happen to the ones that are strong enough to deal with it.
M you were made to be my rock not to be the one carrying hell.
"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."
P.x
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